| Suicide is not solution |
[May. 20th, 2008|06:49 pm] |
...This is understandable, but what is solution then? Collecting the post-stamps or walking in at fields? Stupid and senselessly (but sometimes help when become older).. Or better to go away to cloister. Why do I have so much garbage in my soul and when I finally throw it out. Sometimes I just think that without this stuff I would again live in my ideal crystal world with glass walls and empty ice rooms..and it looks so tempting - is it that place where I can have a rest and..to be ever more lonely than I am now..
..If look on this from the other side, loneliness is just one more assumed category that doesnt exist in reality. It just the good reason for big manufacturing-pop-machine turn people down and depressed to sell the antidepressants. We cant feel something if we dont know about it. But we will die if hear about it all the time. The same is with dreams. When we dreaming about something impossible we stop to live, to feel what we have nearby, to taste the life, that becomes tasteless only because of the venom, calls DREAMS. Dont suggest anyone "traumen weiter".. dangerous and heart breaking action.. Ville Valo sung "..killing loneliness"..I better say "fuck this loneliness".. I just try to be strong and dont give up (with the eyse filled with tears), because I promised never again to be ill.
...And now about the mistakes. I thought that I am already really adult and do EVERYTHING right. But I just didn count that this "right" comparable only with my OWN rules, that till now not adapt to this world habits. I thought that only my big desire is enough to come something true. I absolutely forgot to count the time, it just stoped and didn exist. My conception about course of events had seemtly logic only for me..
P.S. Someday ago I remember about some song, that inspired me approximately one year ago - I dont know inspired for what actually - but it just played in my cd and in dvd players all the time.. "FUCK them all" by Mylene Farmer. |
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| Comments: |
| From: | (Anonymous) |
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| Date: | July 25th, 2009 - 12:58 pm |
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